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To my surprise allergic reaction at lunch: You Suck

After my three plus decades of doing a decent job of avoiding tree nuts, I really get annoyed when they sneak their way into my food. I mean, the nerve! I really don’t have time for blowing off my meetings at work to tell off the Sous Chef at our on campus cafe about their cross-contaminated food. And I really don’t enjoy having four firemen, two EMTs and three other security folks at work stand around me and watch one of them give me a shot of epinephrine. And I am really annoyed at the hours of post-reaction yuckiness…the sore throat, the shaky hands, the bleary eyes and the borderline nausea.

I usually don’t get so emotionally upset about a reaction as I am right now. I think it has to do with the fact that I really trusted my cafe at work. And now I can’t anymore. They do a really good job at managing cross-contamination of the walnuts/pecans/almonds in their specialty salad prep and every time I have asked for more specific labels on kitchen made foods, they add them. Now I have to question and second-guess everything, again. This upsets me. This is an unwelcome reminder that the world continues to be a dangerous place for me. And my nephew. And millions of other folks living their lives in a world that for the most part seems completely blind to what it means to live with severe food allergies.

While it feels better for me vent here about the injustice of it all, I recognize it is not all that productive. As with every reaction, I look at what I could have done differently to avoid it. About 60% of the time I find that I was careless and did not advise the waiter or double check that the pesto sauce or the cheesecake crust were nut-free. Today falls in the 40% category, where I wasn’t careless and was indeed told that it was safe. Most of the time, the waiter or the server truly believes that it is (like today). A few times, the server was an idiot and told me it was safe when they were either too lazy to check or too ignorant to understand the danger. By now I can spot those idiots and make sure I’m a pain-in-the-ass customer to get my needs met.

Admittedly, having my EpiPen (or a backup at work) would have helped to avoid the overexposure to all the helpful emergency first responders invading my cube. In my defense, I had made a point of bringing it with me yesterday in a mini-backpack (leaving my purse at home) for a Mommy-Daughter day. However, I forgot to switch it back to my purse this morning for work. [And yes, I have already requested extra EpiPen's I can keep in my car and at work.]

But could the cafe or I done something to avoid today’s unpleasant experience altogether? I’m not really sure. My bet is that the source of the peanuts in the dish was either 1) a mixed nuts can with cashews or 2) cross-contaminated at the manufacturer. Since I didn’t hang around to investigate, I will probably not ever know. And while I tell myself it doesn’t matter whether I know for sure or not…deep down I really do want to know. I really do want to believe the folks that make and serve my lunches that they know what they are doing and understand the consequences.

The Sous Chef was nice, but disappointingly a bit naive about food allergy reactions. He didn’t really know what I could potentially be going through. At the time, it was 30 minutes after I ate the food and my reaction was not that severe and I wasn’t sure if it would improve or get worse. He cared, he was interested in learning. But the server, the one who prepared the dish for me– he resented me. He denied there was anything but peanuts. He got defensive. His normally smiling and welcoming face, one I said hi to at least 2 times a week, was glaring back at me. It wasn’t the first time I pissed off someone who had in some way, usually unknowingly, contributed to my allergic reaction. I can only hope it will be the last.

I know this post isn’t encouraging for moms like my sister-in-law Kelly. My bet is that this post could even increase their worst fears. I’m’ sorry for that. I’m sorry I can’t paint the rosy picture of an easy life living with severe food allergies. But the reality is that the world has a whole lot of catching up to do to accommodate Generation Allergy. I can only hope that by openly talking about by own experiences with the uninitiated like that Sous Chef that it will help the world catch up faster.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now.